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To Compare

January 27, 2012

All of us look forward to family gatherings (at least most of us do).

And I believe that the major family gatherings that we have every year are most probably during Chinese New Year.

There’s alot of talk, but there’s always these few people who will start the conversation with…

‘How’re you results?’

And when they ask about your results, they are usually out to compare your results with their kids’ results.

This year, during my family gathering, I heard it.

‘ How’s XXX’s O’Level’s results?’

When I heard that, I immediately flinched.

Usually, (my theory) this is said by a parent whose child is doing (probably) well, and is finding a chance to boast.

Yes, I know how proud you are of your kid’s results.

I’m happy for you too.

But, is there really a need?

Second case scenario.

The day that the O’Level’s results were out, I got a message from my cousin asking if there’s any news of our aunts discussing about our cousin’s results.

I admit that I got abit agitated (totally unnecessary), and I started spamming her about how our aunts shouldn’t be so occupied about finding out how their results are because it is not a case of ‘If-I-do-not-find-out-I-will-die’ situation.

Have you ever thought of the other party’s “feelings” with regards to this topic?

Have you thought of how the kid is feeling about being compared to his/her cousin?

I believe not every child is THAT competitive.

For my case, I have a cousin who is of the same age.

And since young, whenever there are family gatherings, we get compared.

“Who’s taller?”

“Which secondary/tertiary have we gotten into?”

“Whose results are better?”

I’m not going to say which of us is doing better now.

Because both of us are so different in terms of what we are interested in and what we are doing.

Is there REALLY  a need to compare?

What’s next?

“Who has a found a bf/fiancee first?”

“Who’s getting married first?”

Why not parents and relatives put themselves in our shoes?

How would you feel if your kid’s conversation with his/her cousin revolves around…

“How high in terms of hierarchy is your dad/mum doing at work?”

“Is your mum/ dad earning more than my mum or dad?”

“Is your mum/ dad being a better mum/dad?”

How would YOU feel if you’re the “object” that is being compared.



Just my two cents worth.


One Comment leave one →
  1. January 27, 2012 13:35

    its always the case,
    parents get sucked in to the vortex of doom.

    if their kids dont perform up to the generic benchmarks,
    their kids are not putting in enough effort.

    however if they took additional time to understand their child’s strengths and build upon them, we would have more child prodigies around.

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